What is Effective Support?

 

What is support?

Arno Ilgner, of  The Warriors Way – Mental Training, once told me,

“Don’t belay as you would have others belay you.  Rather, ask your partner how they like to be belayed.”

I thought about this recently as I watched a young woman struggle to lead an off-fingers crack.

Slowly, but surely, the woman climbed through deceptively difficult sequences until she reached the off-finger section. Then she yelled, “take” and grabbed the gear she had just placed. A few moments later, she continued until the crack widened to tight hands. There she tried to stuff her feet into the finger crack below and when she looked down, she saw her belayer putting on a sweater. At that point, the woman placed two cams, clipped through them and asked to be lowered. On the ground she changed her shoes and walked away without a word.

I imagined that she had hoped to look down and see an attentive belayer giving her the thumbs up and saying, “You’ve got this!”

I wish she had said, “Watch me!” and kept climbing instead.

Why do we need support?

Confident, competent, independent women, shouldn’t need support. Right? We just need to focus on the task at hand…

Wrong.

When I’m pushing my limits, I need to feel safe – both physically and emotionally. It’s hard to feel safe when my partner is apathetic or critical. Meanwhile, a supportive partner helps me get into the “zone.”

Everyone is different. Although, for the record, I don’t think anyone likes shouts of unsolicited beta! Ultimately, listening to a person and giving them personal attention is the best way of supporting, respecting and belaying them.

Further, note to belayers: even a brief hand on the woman’s shoulder from her partner would have made a positive impact.

No one is great in a vacuum. Behind every great person is a great person. Certainly, behind every great climber is a great belayer!

So, belay not as you want but as others would have you!